P3D Ode to the Stereo Showdown

[Michael Georgoff <Michael_Georgoff@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Well, Bruce's little post got me to thinkin'...  And, heck, it is Friday
afternoon, and kinda quiet around here on the ol' P3D list... and I have
been reading a bit of cowboy poetry lately. I was a-thinkin of the Kodak
versus Realist quick draw showdown, to be held tomorrow at the NSA
convention, between Tom Deering and his Kodak, versus Dr. T and his
Realist.  Deering claimed he could shoot a roll of film in his Kodak
quicker than Themelis could in his Realist.  Therefore, I offer this
"Ode to the Stereo Showdown."  The reader is encouraged to imagine that
the contest has passed into legend at this point, and that this is being
recited at the Cowboy Poetry Festival in Elko, Nevada.


Twas not unlike a showdown,
On a dusty Laredo street,
When Deering and Themelis,
Come face to face to meet.

The word on that convention floor,
'Round that whole NSA,
Was that Deering and his Kodak,
Would meet their match today.

Some called Tom Deering foolish,
To dare duel with Doctor T.
Tom just shrugged real nonchalant,
And simply said, "You'll see."

Now Tom he made a wild claim,
what a brazen man was he,
"I can shoot roll in a my Kodak
faster than Doctor T."

Doctor T, it was well known,
He was a Realist man.
He knowed fer sure that he could shoot,
Faster than anyone can.

Seems Deering double-dared him,
And Dr. T had took him up,
We all would bet that Doctor T,
Would whup' that Deering pup.

Finally come that fateful day.
The outcome, who could tell?
Who'd win that fateful showdown,
At the Marriott Hotel?

The murmurs in the crowd,
Was that a Kodak man could win.
Bill Davis passed out film,
and said "Boys, just load'em in."

Themelis was cool and calm,
Then he began to beam,
As he took cold steel in his hand,
to load up Rochewhite's dream.

Though built for a southpaw,
Hell, it didn't matter none,
George stood like a cowboy,
Armed with a double-barrel gun.

Now Deering was a master,
Not some kid in from the sticks.
He loaded up that Kodak,
With a roll of thirty-six.

The astigmats were gleaming,
Under bright convention lights,
The men were ready to face off,
A-peering through their sights.

Tall upon that carpet,
Bill David uttered "Go!"
The crowd was hushed and quiet,
For this crazy quick-draw show.

Them shutter's were a-clickin'
You could hear them reels advance,
And I'll be dammed if Themelis,
Wasn't doin' some fangled dance!

Mighta been his shutter cockin',
Hell, I can not say,
But his fingers was a-flyin'
Ev'ry which gol-darned way.

Tom Deering with his Kodak,
He shot it straight and true.
Swift and smooth and fast was he,
His work was almost through.

George seem a frame or two behind,
Some say he began to sweat,
With dual-lens a-blaze,
He said "We ain't though yet!"

You could hear them sprocket's whirrin'
As each shot was reeled in,
Each man a-shooting crazy,
But who the hell would win?

The crown they all went silent,
As Tom Deering he did roar,
"The Kodak beat the Realist!"
And George crumpled to the floor.

Was it the shutter cocking,
Or extra button done him in?
George was beat, fair and square.
You shoulda seen that Deering grin.

Was it Rochesters' design
That won that fateful day?
Or David White done it wrong,
to manufacture it that way?

I guess that we will never know,
But one thing sure is right,
That Deering and his Kodak,
Beat Themelis that night.

Well George, he is an honest man,
He lost an honest test.
There is no shame in losing,
When you've done yer very best.

But the losin' made him feel real low,
But he really brightened when,
He said "Tom Deering, I challenge you,
To a contest once again!"

"Now you can shoot 'em faster,
You proved that with out a doubt.
Any fool can shoot 'em,
But how quick are you to mount?"

Now George can mount them pairs up,
Faster than you've ever seen,
And in a slide-mounting face off,
He'd be a human mounting machine.

Now we don't know if Deering,
Who with luck done beat George once,
Would fall for a mounting contest,
And risk looking like a dunce.

A stack of film chips here,
A stack o' heat-seals there,
It'd be more flying fingers,
And films chips in your hair.

What of window violations,
and rotational errors, too?
Who'd judge this wild showdown?
Who'd judge it fair and true?

As a contest goes, my friend,
This would be mighty fine.
But I guess that we'll just have to wait
'Til NSA 99.


----

Michael Georgoff
Out West in that there Silicon Valley
(Yipee-yo-ki-yay)


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